13 Days in Ferguson by Ron Johnson & Alan Eisenstock

Author:Ron Johnson & Alan Eisenstock
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: RELIGION / Christian Life / Social Issues, SOCIAL SCIENCE / Discrimination & Race Relations
Publisher: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
Published: 2018-08-06T16:00:00+00:00

I look at my brother’s name on the headstone.

Bernard.

I relive the morning of his fatal motorcycle accident. The pain of that day—the physical pain—returns and grips my heart.

I didn’t see the crash, but I can envision it. I have worked enough motorcycle accidents to recreate the scene in my mind—especially the aftermath: the stillness, the sorrow.

Nobody knows exactly what happened, but I do know that Bernard was on his bike in the early morning and veered off the road at high speed. And I know he hit something and was killed instantly.

That morning, a Sunday, my dad called to tell us. He was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, and for a moment I thought he had made it up or dreamed Bernard’s accident. But after he broke down in tears, I knew he was telling the truth.

For months afterward, I was in a numbing state of shock. The grief would hit me in waves, and so many thoughts bored into my brain, along with the inevitable Why? Along with that searing question came the haunting sadness that I never got to say good-bye.

I tried to lose myself in my work, in gospel music, in sitting by myself and remembering the times we’d had together, in weeping, in spending time with friends and family who knew him and loved him.

Distracting myself didn’t help. Prayer didn’t help. Nothing helped. I couldn’t find anything to take away the pain.

One night, I spoke with one of my neighbors, who’s a pastor. He, of course, knew about my brother and asked how I was doing. I told him that I still felt enormous pain. I asked him, “How long is it going to take for me to get over this?”

My neighbor looked at me and said, “Ron, you’ll never ‘get over it,’ so don’t even try.”

I needed to accept the grief.

Allow the pain.

Realize that I would never get over the pain of my brother’s death.

I needed to hear that and acknowledge it.

That knowledge gave me strength.

And the pastor was right.

I’ve never gotten over it.

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